I need to say…the psych ward is NOTHING like it’s portrayed
in movies.
Sure, there are really fucked up people in there but it’s not an “asylum”
atmosphere. They are hospital settings,
the only difference is there is no door to walk out and there are community
rooms with people walking around. Most used to let you smoke, before the whole
second-hand smoke crap and public smoking regulations. There are a few left
that let you, but usually controlled times and in a small smoked filled room
with a maximum limit, so there are almost ALWAYS lines to smoke, since most of
us crazies smoke!
The induction into the world of my psyche was when I was 14.
I was a child who was lost and insecure.
Alone and ANGRY! My mom told me my father passed away when I was two, my
grandmother was gone, the home I had grown up in was no longer mine, my mom was
clinically depressed because of the loss of her mother, I was not living at
home, missed my baby sister, had dropped out of high school, was in the streets
with people I shouldn’t have been with, in situations I shouldn’t have been in
and ended up hopeless in a youth homeless shelter with a package of sleeping
pills that I decided to use to end it all. WELCOME to the Psych Ward – Take 1!
I drudged through a few days of bullshit “therapy” that I
was not interested in and quite honestly manipulated my way through. I was
talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Inez White; I will NEVER FORGET her name! It is
etched in my being and always will be. She asked me what a beautiful, intelligent
girl like me was doing in a place like this. What could possibly be wrong in my
world, it couldn’t be that bad to want to take my own life. No, it COULD BITCH!
It IS BITCH! (I didn’t say that, but I thought it). So, she said she was going
to set up a “family” meeting with my Mom. Since I was a minor and still on my
mom’s insurance, I pretty much had NO FUCKING choice but to do it.
A day or two later, I can’t remember how long it was but SHE
showed up for the meeting.
Social Security
Setting: The sterile office of
Dr. Inez White at GW Hospital Psychiatric Ward. Late August 1988.
Scene: I’m sitting there waiting
for my mom; Dr. White is delving through my chart. In walks mom…YAY! Let the
fun begin!
Fade in:
Dr. White
Well, you have a very
intelligent, beautiful young lady here. She doesn’t belong here as far as I can
tell, but let’s talk a bit. So, her grandmother, your mother just passed away
this past April, right?
Mom
Yes, that’s right.
Dr. White
She tells me, you asked her to
stay home from school to watch your youngest daughter while you worked because
you are financially strapped.
Mom
Yes, that’s true. I am barely
making ends meet and daycare was provided by my mother and when she passed we
had to move into an apartment I couldn’t afford and I needed the help.
Dr. White
So, having your 14 year old
daughter drop out of school was the solution? Do you receive child support from
their father?
MOM
Well, they have different
fathers. The baby’s father does pay, but it’s not enough and her father passed
when she was two.
Dr. White
Were you married to her father?
MOM
Yes, I was… he’s the only man I
ever married.
Dr. White
Well, don’t you receive Social
Security for her from her father?
SILENCE for a second or two… Mom
COMPLETELY IGNORES and EVADES the question and she TURNED 1,000 shades of
white! She manages to change the subject somehow (years of prcatice, clearly).
I only know this because there was NEVER an answer. The only thing I remember
after that was the thoughts RACING through my head… yea, why don’t you get
money from social security? Why don’t I know his name? Where is he buried? Why
haven’t I ever seen a picture of him? What the FUCK is GOING ON????
Fast forward to my discharge from
the hospital; the “agreement” was I was to move back home with my Mom, get a
job and go back to school. AGREED!
Let's call this scene/scar;
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
Setting: Hospital elevator and
lobby, walk to the car and car.
Fade in:
ME
Did you bring me cigarettes?
MOM
Yes, I did.
ME
So… Mom, what was my dad’s name?
MOM
Not now! Now is not the time!
ME
NOT THE TIME???? WHAT? How come
I’ve never seen a picture of him? Why haven’t I ever been to his grave and why
don’t you get money for me?
MOM
Well, honey… your father didn’t
die when I said he did but I believe he is dead now.
ME
WHAT? What kind of shit is that?
MOM
(In her condescending voice)
Honey… I’m not gonna talk about this right now.
LONGEST ELEVATOR RIDE
EVER!!!! Now, exiting the building, I
lite up a cigarette on the way to the car, remember I'm 14. I’m now ENRAGED at
her flippant attitude and the audacity of it all!
ME
You’re FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT?
MOM
I am not going to talk about this
right now!
ME
(screaming) YES YOU are!!! Damn
it! So essentially he is PROBABLY ALIVE and YOU LIED TO ME MY WHOLE FUCKING
LIFE!!! What kind of shit is that???
MOM
Just STOP!
(she’s now screaming) JUST STOP!
I’M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS!
ME
This is so fucking typical of
you! When it doesn’t benefit you or you don’t fucking feel like it, it’s just
your way or the highway! I FUCKING HATE YOU!
MOM
Well, you’re not so easy to love
either!
Fade Out:
4 comments:
Yeah... They took my cigarettes and gave me a patch, took coffee and gave me Excedrin and wouldn't even let me wear the necklace with my brother's ashes, despite my mother's warning.
NOT cool.
My mom snuck in my cell though. Didn't I message you while I was inside???
Great picture, by the way. ;)
yea, you did, I remember that...a couple years ago, right?
Yup. 2 1/2 and I'm due again. Maybe I should just schedule visits along with my pap smears.
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