Scar # 1 Stains, Scenes, Scars and Shit...Oh My!

The first stain to come to mind but most certainly not the first in my life. I was first hospitalized at the age of 14 because of the death of my Grammy. She was my day to day care taker. The one there every day, sober or not, she was physically there with me for the first 14 years.

My mom was a work-o-holic trying to make enough for the two of us to survive. She dabbled in relationships with men quite often; she never re-married after the sperm donor proved unworthy of us. She did have two significant relationships, one was with the only person I would consider a Dad, a Lt. Col. in the US Air Force, a very intelligent, sarcastic, funny, witty and phenomenal story teller who loved me and my mom beyond belief. However, Mom decided she wanted another child and since he couldn’t physically provide that for her, she moved on, despite my protest.

She then advertised herself in the “truckers” world (of course not AFTER leaving Lt. Col. she couldn't financially do that. Stay with him, play him like a fool until you find your next victim) by "cat calling" on the cb radio and hiking her skirts up in the car so they could see her BEAUTIFUL legs from above in their trucks and voila! There came my sister’s sperm-donor (although he’s always been a part of her life). She was born when I was 13; I had been an only child up until that point. She was a true GIFT for a lonely little girl with a smile on her face!

So, when my Grammy passed away, unexpectedly at the age of 53 from complications of cirrhosis of the liver…needless to say, my mom lost what little sound mind she may have had because that was her only family besides us girls, my sis was only a year and a half and I was 14. My mom had been with my Grammy her whole life, a very co-dependent, volatile relationship which clearly is hereditary and I was blessed with the gene, my sister was spared! Lucky her!  Wonder what that feels like?

Grammy was the daycare provider for my sister, clearly for free to my penniless hard working single mother. I was in ninth grade, you know… the late 80’s when you could skip school, go to bon-fires, drink grain alcohol and walk in the house wasted and reeking of cigarettes and no one would question you. That was a different time for sure. My kids can’t fart without me questioning why or how.

Anyway ~ I digress as usual, that’s what an unquiet mind does, but in my contemptuous grandiose thought process, I am quite proud that I am able to get back to the topic at hand eventually…I’m just brilliant! Most people I know think I have ADD or ADHD because I digress, but they don’t let me finish… I will get back to the topic, I promise. What those people don’t understand is I am blessed and cursed to be extremely cognizant and have a mind that operates at a Bugatti Veyron Super Sport speed of 237 mph on the Autobahn while most people are operating a Honda Civic at speed limit on the highway or even worse (most people) a Go-Cart on a shitty beach carnival track.

So, when she passed in 1988, my mom was left with no money to put my sister in daycare and she offered me the “opportunity” every 14 year old wants offered; to not have to go to school and stay home to watch my baby sister while she worked. What a FANTASTIC Idea Mom! I would love to throw away my education and drop out of high school to help you with your fucked up financial situation, after all, I love my baby sister and I skip school and you either don't know or care that I do anyway.

So, the deal is atleast in my head is when you come home from work, I will feel like an entitled employee to clock out and leave work, go out and hang with my new friends that are 5-10 years older than me and be back at work just before you leave at 6am. SWEET! I’m in! Oh, did I mention Mom that I am so glad and grateful for you looking out for my future and education.

You must have known how brilliant I am, so you must have told yourself I would make it, SOMEHOW, right Mom?!

Fast-forward a few months into summer -
(remember I was still 14 almost 15, but still 14) 

Let's call this Scar/Scene;

"Services No Longer Needed"

Setting: The new home since Grandmother’s death; The year is 1988. It is a 2 bedroom top floor apartment, pretty nice, lots of friendly roaches. (Wikipedia describes the neighborhood) “The quadrant is known to many D.C. area residents as being plagued by a consistently high crime rate relative to the rest of the city” the peak of crime being in the 1980’s during Rayful Edmond’s reign (notorious drug dealer, said to be responsible for the introduction of crack cocaine to the D.C. area in the mid 1980’s. Putting D.C. in the news as the "Murder Capial")  Thanks Ray!

Side note– The 14 year old has PLENTY of new “friends” since she is the new girl in her neighbor"hood". There were plenty of “Hustlers” wanting her to "ride" in their pimped out Ford Escorts or Toyota 4-Runners with BOOMIN’ kicker box systems, alcohol and cigarettes.

                        Fade In: 

Mom arrives home from working 14 – 16 hours (about 8pm). 14 year old has been home with the one and a half year old ALL day, just about every day since April (the last two 1/2 months of 9th grade she did not attend school to help Mom with baby girl) The 14 year old grabs her purse and heads towards the door. Mom blocks the door.  

Mom

Where do you think you’re going?  

14

Wherever I want!

Mom

No! You’re not! You’re ONLY 14, you are not gonna continue to run the streets with God knows who!

  

14

Ummmmm… yes I am! I’m fucking in this house all day with the baby girl… I’m doing you a FAVOR and I am FUCKING going out!

The whole time they are manhandling eachother at the front door. Mom trying to block 14 from leaving. 14 pushes Mom to the side and runs out the door down the stairs Heading towards the Bumpin' 4-Runner waiting for her. Everyone outside her home thinks she is 16.  

Both 14 and Mom are yelling and cursing back and forth through the stairway, out the window and in the courtyard.  

Mom

You’re outta here! Don’t you dare come back to MY House! You’re not welcome!

14

So you don't NEED me anymore?!  Whatever FUCK YOU Bitch! I was leaving anyway!
  

   

Fade Out:

Scene End